This isn't really a new sort of revelation, but a lot of things have helped me identify it and kind of lay it out in the open. It's an obstacle to this dream of mine that could be one of the harder ones I've ever had to face, and although I know without even thinking that I have to just keep going regardless, this one gives me pause, and it hurts.
In my relentless drive and motivation to learn more and take every opportunity and become the absolute best I can be, there are aspects of my life that suffer because of how much effort and time I put into the theatre part. Most of everything I do is based around something theatrical. Rehearsing for shows, rehearsing for classroom pieces, memorization for shows, memorization for classroom pieces, books on acting technique for classes, solo practice of scenes and monologues, homework assignments, tech hours, offering absurd amounts of my time to facets of shows and the department I have nothing to do with, a lot of emotional strain from work being done, a lot of physical strain. Because of all this, which does make me happy, I have such a limited array of close friends and people I can turn to when I need help or am hurting. I am very alone, and though I see plenty of my friends regardless, it's the same people and it's not the same as quality people time.
I guess what this means is, do I accept being lonely for much of my life for the sake of my career, or do I sacrifice my code of excellence for social happiness?
I'm at an unfair age to be dealing with this. But that is the life I chose. Live it and love it, regardless.