It's 12:30 on a school night. I got home less than an hour ago. My stomach is incredibly unsettled so sleep eludes me for a bit. This is the final week of Halloween Adventure. I don't think I'm going to survive. I've become an essential member of the team, but I'm falling apart. Work is mindless and it's an act I have perfected at a rapid pace - the face of retail, willing to be treated less than human for 8 glorious dollars an hour. The mindlessness is what soothes me, along with the separation from theatre overload. But now I have theatre overload and Halloween overload, and nowhere to escape either, so both have to suffer. And I'm not okay with that.
Happy Halloween. I'm cracking into pieces and trying to balance to keep them together.
I guess I wanted this, though. To have to run and fly and fall with no one to catch me and only me to answer for what I live through. That's the real world, and even though I'm graduating in a matter of months, I still feel like I can't do anything on my own.
At least the weather is pretty.
You astound me. I haven't commented in a while, I have been busy with a KCACTF production of Chekov's "Three Sisters", and it has been exhausting, detrimental to both my health and grades... But I have loved every second of it. You astound me on this occasion because you are SO good at admitting your faults, admitting your mistakes, and even admitting your possible mistakes. I learned this week, sitting in at responses (One of our respondants being the one and only Avery Clark... I almost squealed like a schoolgirl...), that most people's first instinct is to rush to defend themselves, but that is usually not the best thing to do because what that other person has to critique might be the thing that separates good from great. You do it to yourself, I can tell just from reading your blog. You are so unafraid to critique yourself and GROW FROM IT. Instead of just laying down in it, dwelling on it, and letting it f**k with you, I can see you let it help you make yourself better. You are such an inspiration. Keep being awesome! Prayers!
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