"Now, give me back your scripts."

Auditioned for Les Blancs yesterday, and it was the most interesting audition I've ever been to - not much surprises me at auditions, since they're usually all the same thing. These looked like they were going to be the same as always (read these sides from the show, read this scene with someone else, read it this way, read it that way, thank you, callbacks later this week), and I've stopped being nervous for school auditions because, by my ever so accurate calculations, I had a .00005% chance of being cast in this show (two female roles again) so it's not going to be the end of the world if I don't get cast.

Anyway, I read a scene with a friend of mine, Aki, and we reached a certain point and the director says "good, stop. Now, give me back your scripts. I want you to do a little improv."

Oh joy. Improv?? Improvisational skills being put to the test at a freaking audition?

We had to do the scene we had just read over again, but without scripts and just improvising the words and feelings of the characters - it was unexpected and a little nerve-wracking. Improv is one of my weakest points, but I must have done all right, since the director asked me to stick around to read for something later. Maybe because I wasn't under any pressure to be funny.

"Later" meant three hours after I read, but I wasn't counting. It was fine just sitting around chatting with people, and then, at 8:45, the majority of the other auditionees had departed after reading and being dismissed. Only four of us were left, having been asked to wait around. Billy and Victoria went in to read first, and then Josh and I were after them. We read the same scene I had read before, which was a bit of a relief because I had a better sense of what was going on and what was in store after we read. It was still startling to be told to put the scripts down and just start acting, especially in the slightly tense atmosphere of the audition room.

I did much better this second time around, I feel, which was a good thing. It was wonderful to be able to do even a little scene with Josh, since he's so very talented and I've wanted to be onstage with him since he directed my debut college show, Home Free, last semester. It was a nice change to audition with someone I knew and who knew what the hell they were doing instead of like my audition for the last show (which we won't discuss, since it frustrates me.) The improv was a little rough for both of us, since neither of us were completely familiar with the characters or the situation, but we got through it well enough and made the director smile and even chuckle a bit. It was just a matter of suddenly finding a bit of a character frame to snap myself into to become Dr. Marta Gotterling - her condescension was easy enough (me? condescending? no...), and having Josh's distinct, timely responses to work with made it that much easier to work the scene successfully.

My goal for last night was to go in and show him that, yeah, I may be new, and yeah, I'm young, but you just watch me, I can do just as well, if not better, than these older girls who come in and audition too. I have this wierd complex about me right now, because of my status in the department and my age, I just feel this burning desire to prove myself and show that I am good enough and worthy to be onstage, even as young as I am. I got onstage once this year already and knocked their socks off, and I just want the opportunity to do it again. I want to be that girl who tips the scales and makes a director take the chance on a new face. Namely mine.

I wasn't as enthusiastic about this until I read really well last night. And now I can only hope that I get a callback and the opportunity to do it again.

Dammit - sometimes hope hurts more. If I'd just done okay and hadn't had that much fun, I wouldn't mind so much if this turns out the way I've been anticipating. Sometimes I hate wanting it so bad. Passion takes a toll on you, that's for sure.