Saturday, January 8, 2011

A Relaxing Bath Turned Nightmare

Everything's a tad muffled and sore right now. I'm contemplating a career with one ear, and how I'll have to start making shifts and adjust to impaired hearing. In a business about perfection, I can only hope that this can be fixed perfectly.

Somehow perforated my eardrum in my right ear. There is a nice gaping hole in the membrane that allows me to listen and interpret music and notes and tones and intervals and words and lyrics and cues and simple conversation.

Mine's about that size. Cleaner looking, but there is for sure a large hole where there should be a sweet little delicate tympanic membrane. I'm getting an appointment with an ENT soon so they can tell me what has to happen next. Surgery, perhaps, to rebuild what I unintentionally broke.

As a performer so engaged in the auditory, I might be overreacting just from fear right now but I'm so scared. I've always been afraid of hurting myself in a way that would seriously compromise what I want to do with my life, and I never imagined it would be my ears. I always imagined having a permanent limp, or somehow destroying my face, or losing an arm, something physical and cosmetically a problem for casting directors. This is just going to inhibit my ability to hear the music or hear a line, or hear myself sing. No big deal. I'm really scared.

On a separate note, I've been reading Don't Be Nice, Be Real and it is extremely interesting. It's counterintuitive sometimes, but it's very, very interesting. If you're into self-discovery and unconventional answers, give it a peek.

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